Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Appy Polly Loggies, O Brothers


I’m…sorry about that last post.  It really ended up in a different place than it started.  Girl (yes, “Girl” is as much of a name as I’m giving you on here…remaining anonymous is probably best for now) called me up after she read the post, then came over.  It was…tough.  I broke down crying in front of her.  Yeah, pathetic, right?  Fucking sobbing.

Let me explain myself a bit more now that I’m in rational mode and not rant mode.  This is…tough for me.  I’ve been putting on a happy face.  I’ve really only mentioned three encounters with him here: my first encounter, that one time I was alone in the dorms, and the encounter in the Labyrinth.  But I’ve seen him way more than three times.  I go to a lot of parties, just trying to enjoy myself and get my mind off of him.  I hang out in crowded places where I know he’s not going to do anything to me.  But that doesn’t mean he’s not there.  No, when I’m sitting on the sofa off in the corner, he’s standing there right behind me, whispering thoughts that I should leave into my consciousness.  When I dress up for a nice occasion (like an awards ceremony, banquet, choir performance or whatever it is I refuse to let you know I do), he’s standing there at the event brainwhispering at me that he’s jealous of my suit.  And every time he’s around now, Hyde comes out, and Hyde wants to walk away from the group or event so that I can spend some quality one-on-one time with the Slender Man.  He’s actually around quite frequently, even moreso after that whole labyrinth thing.

On top of that, I’m still in school.  I know that a lot of you are running.  You’ve lost everything.  And I’m so sorry for that.  But I haven’t lost everything yet.  I’m determined to keep it that way.  And if I run, what does that do?  All I’ve accomplished is needlessly worrying everyone around me.  So if I leave, I hurt them.  If I stay around, there’s a chance they’ll still be safe.  So I have to try my hardest to look like everything’s fine, because if something about me is off, people will get suspicious and start asking.  All of a sudden, no one around me is safe anymore.

So yeah, I’ve got a bit to be stressed about.  I break down sometimes and start writing about the dark miasma of my soul while crying limpid tears of blood.

So yeah, after finding out that I’ve caused the thing I was working so hard to prevent, I guess I just felt that everything I’ve done was all for nothing.  But hey, after I proved to Girl just how much of a pathetic wuss I am, she decided to at least be there for moral support.  Evidently, she doesn’t blame me for this.  Which is stupid, as it is mostly my fault.  But it’s nice to know that I’ve been forgiven.

But yeah, I’m back.  Much less depressed after a rant and a cry.  Tomorrow I’ll get up a post about that proxy thing I mentioned.


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