Monday, February 14, 2011

What am I doing?


I don’t want to be writing this.  I don’t know why I am.  I just posted a day or two ago.  I’m just…feeling compelled to write.

Fuck.  This is what I was afraid of.  I manage to break away for about a week or two, and then I’m suddenly back again and I can’t pull away.  I’m on an archive binge, catching back up with everything.  So many new blogs.  So much to catch up on.  I’m getting pulled back in.  I just can’t stop.

Dammit, it’s like drugs, only in text form.  And the worst part is, I know I’m getting addicted, and I just have to sit back and helplessly watch.

Fuck.  My finger’s been on the “close window” button about five times now.  Or on the mouse, which is on the button, but…oh, you get the picture.  About five fucking times.  And I just can’t bring myself to fucking close it.  I know I’m going to submit this, even though I don’t want to.

Oh, God, I’m breaking down, aren’t I?  I’m trying to take my own advice, but I can’t even follow it.  Help, someone?  Anyone?  Fuck, just let me know you’re there.  I know that I’ve been simultaneously distrustful and untrustworthy and that no one’s going to want to listen to me, but…I just need to know that I’m not alone.  I know I don’t get a ton of readers, but I do get some.  Would you guys mind saying it for me?


  1. I'm here, Jekyll.

    I'm here!

    so are all the others. We're reading, we're watching.

  2. ...

    Fuck if I'm not terrified, but I'm here.

  3. I'm here, Jekyll, I just don't comment much. But I hang around.

  4. We're here, Jekyll! Hyde is hiding for now! It's ok. Just...don't drink any weird potions. Ok. Bad metaphor. But we're here. And you're not insane yet. I think. But you're still here. So. Good luck.

  5. I'm here, and I'm confident that you can beat this. Don't give up on yourself, Jekyll. Despite what you may believe, we haven't given up on you.

  6. Jeez...I just realized that it's Valentine's Day. Guess you're expected to spend it alone when you've estranged yourself from everyone.

    Anyway, guys, thanks SO much for this. It helped a lot and gave me strength just to know that there are people out there who worry about me. I'm...better now. I mean, I'm not gonna be "better," better. I'm not sick but I'm not well and all.

    Anyway, thank you all for making my Valentine's Day a little brighter. I love you all (platonically, of course). Thanks for giving me this bit of strength when I needed it. Still can't pull away, but...well, at least I know I'm not alone.

  7. Did you enjoy the wispers of the Rake? The Compulsion was taking effect when you posted this. I hope you ran. Blogging cannot be controlled when Rake is involved.

    1. lol he thinks that the rake is involved lol

      This was written before any Fear Mythos crap showed up, dumbshit.