Sunday, February 13, 2011

Everything I Know About Self-Defense…


…I learned from EverymanHYBRID.

Hey, guys.  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  You’ve probably started to get worried about me.  Well, I’ve been staying away from the blogs lately, and I’ve actually felt really good about it.  I mean, it’s the beginning of a new semester for me and all, so I’ve had my mind preoccupied with other stuff.

That changed yesterday when I took a walk with a friend and he pulled a fucking knife on me.

Yeah.  He always keeps a knife on him, just because he likes knives.  And just out of the blue, he attacked me with it.  Two guesses as to who was behind it.  Here’s a hint: the answer is obvious.

Fortunately, I was prepared, and I managed to disarm him.  When he came to, I told him that we had been attacked and that he took a whack on the head that knocked him out.  He figured that’s why he couldn’t really remember the past few minutes.

See, that’s how it is with proxies, for me at least.  They’re people I know.  People I see every day.  They don’t continuously stalk me, just randomly attack me now and then.  I know that there are some who follow the Slender Man out of their own free will, but I’ve never dealt with any of those.  Everyone’s just a marionette to him, and he can just grab the strings whenever he wants to use them as a puppet.  I’m not sure, but I think that’s what happens when he breaks a person.  When they don’t know about him, he doesn’t even really have to break them (since they’ve got absolutely no mental defense), but I don’t think he ever uses them for long.  They’ll notice something’s wrong eventually.  But if someone knows about him, and he breaks them, well…he can use them whenever and however long he wants.

But that’s all just guessing, and I’ve kinda gotten off topic.  Anyway, my point is, most proxies are people I either know or recognize.  So all my talk about the “decorative” katana is mostly true.  I don’t actually use it to assault anyone.  It’s more of a defensive than anything else.  A club on occasion.  I’ve only taken it out of its sheath one time when fighting a proxy.

Anyway, the “lesson” for today, if you will: learn some self-defense.  Like I said, all I really know I learned from EMH (After today’s attack, I’m looking up some other self-defense videos), but that was only a seven-minute lesson.  And please…just use self-defense.  These people are, well…people.  Even if they’re not themselves anymore.  I don’t think it’d be too healthy for your sanity to kill anyone.

I dunno, in a few days I’ll probably get up a post about how to recognize a proxy before they attack you, but…I got attacked by one of my best friends today.  I need time to think.  Or rather, time to try not to think about a particular tall and skinny man.


  1. EMH's advice on self defense would be "Run screaming at it with a bat." Which, you know, is pretty damn insane. But thanks for the message. It needed to be heard.

  2. Heh...I was actually talking about the actual self-defense lesson video. Not Evan's self-defense lesson in whichever video that was. Definitely not about to do THAT.

  3. Oh, yes, yes, yes. That is so true. Don't kill whenever possible. It changes you. Nightmares. Even more than normal. How about following you around and Operator brands all over their bodies? That seems to give off a pretty strong signal. Good luck, Jekyll. Sorry about your friend. I really am.

  4. Proxies should be hunted whether they are willing proxies or not. It won't stop the Fears, but it'll postpone your death by a few months. Leaving a proxy alive gets you killed, my family learned that the hard way.

    1. Let's completely miss the point of this and talk about how it's only right to straight-up murder people!