Monday, February 28, 2011

This was a Triumph?


Well, at the very least, I’m still alive.

I’m sure you’re all wondering what’s going on.  How I’m alive.  How I escaped.  What exactly went on in that labyrinth.  I’m really sorry, but I don’t really know.

I woke up this morning.  Monday.  5:55 AM sharp.  I was in my bed in my dorm room.  Fully dressed.  I checked out my blog, saw the posts, and could only vaguely remember things.  I kept having this feeling like some of the stuff I wrote didn’t come through, or that I read comments that weren’t actually there, or that there were some comments that never sent.  And really, after that 6th post, I don’t remember anything.

I’m out of the labyrinth now.  I’m sure of that.  I don’t know if it was all within my mind or if it was physically real or something, but it’s obvious that it was real in some form.  And, surprisingly, I was alive.  There I was, all ready to die.  I saw him.  I know that he was there.  I can remember that.  Even if I can’t remember the details, I know I faced off against him.  I…I can’t have won, could I have?  I’d like to think that I did, but by that last post, I could barely think straight.

I just…woke up.  I was ravenously hungry.  I was parched.  I couldn’t remember anything.  But I was alive.  I am alive.  And it’s a great feeling.

Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a problem.  It seems that, during my breakdown, Will offered to help me, and I actually accepted his help.  And then some (X) guy captured him.  All because he tried helping me.

I don’t know.  I don’t fucking know anymore.  Apparently, the labyrinth wasn’t messing with just my mind.  I said something about not getting in contact with Will.  I never received his e-mail address.  But…something sent somehow?  I don’t know, some of your comments are all screwed up.  It’s either my blog, or it was somehow messing with you, too.  I think it should be back to normal now that I’m out of the labyrinth now.

See, this is why I don’t fucking team up.  If he doesn’t get out of this, his blood is on my hands.  It’s my fault.  And I can’t have that.  You guys see why I’m such an ass?  I don’t want you getting close.  You get close, and stuff like this happens.  If I bitch at you about how stupid you are and how I’m better than you and how you’re all unreliable, it’s because I don’t want you to like me.  I don’t want you to trust me.  You see what happens when you get close?  It makes this shit so much harder.

God…I can’t believe I broke down and let Will get involved in this.  Or was I just bait for Will?  Or both?  Fuck.  I don’t know what the main goal of that labyrinth was, but it seems like it fucked everything up.  I broke down.  Or almost did.  I’m still not sure.  Either way, I broke down enough to make a bad decision.  I found out I wasn’t as prepared or smart as I thought I was.  I fucked someone else over.  I let down everyone I looked up to, and everyone who looked up to me.

God, I’m such a fuckup.

But hey, at least I’m alive.

I don’t know…I…I think I need to figure out how to help Will.  But I don’t think I can get in contact with him anymore, with the fuckwad with the Operator Symbol for a name taking over his blog.  I need to try, though.

I need just a little bit of time.  Less than a week, probably.  I need to rethink a few things.  But when I come back, I’m probably going to try involving myself some more with you guys.  It’s the least I can do to help Will.  Hell, I might even try helping Kaiju out and joining NAPPA.  I’ll have to consider before I make it official, though.

Oh, by the way, (X)hole, it’s “Jekyll,” not “Jekel.”  Learn to fucking read.


  1. Jekel, or Jekyll your name is not important enough to remember the correct spelling. Do not beat yourself up too badly about the conduits fate this would not be happening if they had not tried to intervene. Its not like you could have told them not to come to your aid. I mean after all your life is obviously more important than theirs is it not?

  2. I'm sorry, are you expecting a rise out of me? My mommy taught me never to feed the trolls.

  3. ...well at least you're alive. That's something. Now we just have to hope.

  4. Still think you are a worthy successor to M, Jek?

  5. Well, considering that M's early thoughts included "hanging out in forests is a good idea" and that his rules have failed everyone at some point or another and that he's kinda MIA, I'd say that, yeah, I'm doing okay. You know, judging by the fact that I'm alive and all.

    So I messed up. We all have. It's a bit of a setback, but it's not gonna let me roll over and give up for chucklefucks like you.

  6. So, you are saying M was incompetent AND a failure?
    Looks like you ARE a worthy successor. Congratulations.

  7. Oh, he was definitely flawed. Constantly learning. Occasionally overconfident. But incompetent? A failure? If he were incompetent, would he have survived as long as he did? And a failure? Well, he's just MIA. He's Schrodinger's Cat right now.

    I've only survived because I've got other people's mistakes to learn from. M had to learn it all on his own. And he's been around for quite a while.

    So yeah, I bring up his weaknesses. He was flawed in a lot of ways. But he knew that. And he worked through it. And guess what? Even if he's dead now, no one ever "hallowed" him.

    Well, guess what? I've got flaws, too. But I've also got strengths. Maybe I'm not as great as M. But I have his experience to draw from. I have the experience of others since him. So yeah, like I said, I'm doing okay. I may never be able to call myself a worthy successor. But that's only because the bar is so high.

    So piss off, Morningstar. You don't scare me. I escaped a fucking labyrinth. I don't think that a human being's going to be bringing me down.

  8. Jekyll we're alright. We're alive.

  9. I don't think Morningstar scares anyone anywhere. We're on the run from an abomination that does God knows what to people. That's far worse than anything a Nancyboy with a knife can do.

    I'm glad to see you're alive, Jekyll.