Thursday, January 20, 2011


Who am I?  You’re probably wanting some background, aren’t you?  After all, I’m just some dude with a blog who’s being stalked by the Slender Man to you so far.  I suppose I should explain who I am and how this all came about.

I’m a college junior living somewhere in America (in a rural area).  Early twenties.  Yes, I’m being vague.  I don’t need you to know specifics.  But you don’t care, do you?  Of course you don’t.  We can still be friends.
So.  I’m sure you’re wondering how I came to be stalked by the Slender Man.  Well, I’m not gonna make up some crap about how I’ve been stalked by him for ten years or that I had dreams about him as a kid.  No, when I was a kid, my nightmares were about the Big Bad Wolf knocking on my door and saying “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.”  And fuck you, by the way.  I know you’re laughing.  It was scary as hell when I was four.

Anyway, it hasn’t been long since it all started.  A friend of mine showed me Marble Hornets, and I really liked it.  I had no clue what was going on, of course.  I asked him, and he told me about the Slender Man.  I did some research, found the original Something Awful thread, the TV Tropes thread, the list of works on Unfiction…one thing led to another, and I kept reading.  You know how addicting it is.  I sort of laughed at the whole Tulpa Effect thing when I came across it.  It was a nice theory, if a little improbable.  If there was one thing I learned from philosophy class, it’s that you can’t write off something off as completely impossible.  So possible, but highly improbable. but I personally thought it was full of crap.  Turns out I was a bit wrong.

So I started having dreams.  I thought nothing of them.  I figured that it was my subconscious screwing with me.  My subconscious screwed with me a bit more.  I kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye, started feeling sick, blah, blah, blah…well, it was enough to make me suspicious.  I panicked for a second.  But just a second.  That’s what saved me: quick thinking and a level head.  Once I thought he might be stalking me, I started planning.  What worked?  What didn’t?  If he came after me, what would I do?  How do I recognize his proxies/hallowed/agents/whatever.  I filled a whole notebook with plans for every situation.  That’s just me, though, overthinking things.  What’s more important is that I filled another notebook with a journal I updated hourly.  It was really short stuff, like “10:00-11:00 AM – In class” or “3:00-4:00 PM – Sat on my lazy ass in front of the computer,” but it helped me keep track of lost time.  I knew immediately if I had lost time because I couldn’t remember writing the last entry.

Anyone out there worried that you might be stalked?  I’m going on a short little discourse for you.  Got a notebook?  If not, get one.  Start doing an hourly journal right away.  If you’re not being stalked, you’re not going to have lost time, but if you are, you’ll know if you’re losing it right away, and you’ll know how much of it you’re losing.  On top of that, you’ll be able to tell how crazy you are by your handwriting.  If you’re being stalked, you’ll just feel more stressed.  Your handwriting will look more frantic if he’s following you.  And if you do flip your shit, you’ll also probably start scrawling pictures of trees and spiders and other creepy shit like that.

So yeah, that’s me.  I got a bit off-topic, but it was probably important.  I don’t want these posts to get too long.  I know how much long posts suck to read, and I don’t have the mental energy for much more anyway right now.  I’ll let you know about my first encounter with the Slender Man himself soon.

Anyone who gets the post title wins an internet, by the way.


  1. Le Mis? I referenced you in my post by the way, you Notebook idea is perfect.

  2. BOOYAH.

    *CSI: MIAMI shades*

    *Cue The Who*


  4. We don't get fool'd again!!!!!!