Friday, April 22, 2011

Messenger’s Report

Hello, everyone.  Call me The Messenger, the Bearer of Bad News.  And before you ask, no, I’m not just Hyde under a different alias.

Who am I?  Well, I work for The Boss.  The guy that you guys probably call The Slender Man or Slendy or some other nickname (I think I heard “Faceless McDoucheTree” or something once…I have to admit that one was pretty funny).  What do I do?  Well, I’m a hacker, and it’s my job to let you know when one of you has died.  Why?  I don’t know.  Maybe The Boss wants to give you closure.  Maybe he just wants to rub it in.  Maybe he just wants records since you people seem fond of coming back to life all the time.  Can’t you at least have the decency to stay dead so that we can keep track of who we don’t need to keep tabs on anymore?

You’re all probably wondering what happened to that guy who calls himself Hyde who claims that you know him better as Jekyll (although he said that name with a hint of disdain).  I’m sure you all want to know how he is.  Well, he’s kind of dead.  Shocker, huh?  I guess you assumed that after I explained what I do, though.  It would have been nice had he decided to maybe stay alive for more than three hours.

It’s a shame.  He was a pretty devoted guy.  We’re both pretty new, so we clicked pretty well.  He was small-ish.  Pretty wiry.  I liked him, but he was a weird kid.  Always wore a mask and hat.  Most people working for The Boss of their own free will don’t wear masks.  Had a flair for the dramatic.  He also kept talking in this obviously fake upper-class British accent.  Completely lucid kid, but also pretty darn crazy.

Thankfully, though, it sounds like he at least kind of expected to die eventually, and he gave me his login info.  Keep this in mind, people: doing what he did helps me a lot.  If you assume you’re going to die in the near future it’d really help me out if you could send an e-mail to that contains all your login info.  I’m being serious, by the way.  If we kill you, I’ll know anyway, and this way, it saves me the trouble of actually hacking your blog.  It makes my job a lot easier.

Anyway, Hyde decided that he’d get on the good side of The Boss as much as possible, and decided that the best way to do that would be to go around leading assaults on runners.  To be honest, I have no clue where you guys get the equipment you do.  Really, where do you guys get weapons like that?  Don’t you guys average seventeen years or something?  No offense, but you’re a bunch of psychos, running around with guns and swords and knives and Molotov Cocktails and whatnot.  It’s kind of scary in some ways.  I mean, you know you’re messed up when someone like me, who works for The Boss, tells you that you’re psychotic.

But yeah.  Basically, Hyde decided to lead some assaults (which he described as “tragic necessities” for some reason), and then decided to head off on his own after some guy called Arkady who he described to me as the vilest excuse for a human being to ever exist.  Probably a bit of an overreaction, but whatever the reason, he hated that guy.  Sounds like that Zero guy got to Arkady first, so Hyde figured “hey, two birds with one stone.”  From what I hear, he was mad at that Zero kid for something, too.  Of course, I also hear that he underestimated Zero.  Got himself killed.  I think Zero explains it more here

He sent me a bit he wanted posted along with his information.  Sort of a self-written memorial of some sort.  I don’t really think he expected to survive for long.  I mean, he was a pacifist and everything.  I’ll honor his wishes and put it up for you.  Be warned, there’s a bit here.

Hey, everyone.  Me here.  Not Jekyll.  Not Hyde.  Me.  I know that a lot of you are probably pretty angry at me.  You think that I’m a hypocrite.  You think that I’m crazy.  You think that I’m evil.  Well, you’re probably all right.  I’ve completely broken down, and I can’t remain the strong Jekyll persona I wish I could.  All that’s left for me is Hyde.

I really don’t know if I’m minion of the Slender Man or not.  Hyde is, yes, but that’s because Hyde thinks he has nowhere else to go.  When I take that mask off and slip out of that Hyde persona, I start to question whether or not this was the right choice.  I mean, I know it wasn’t the right choice, but it was the only one that still allowed me to do any good.  I know what you’re thinking, but…it’s the only way I can help.

I know I’m corrupt.  I know that I’m a monster now.  There’s still bits of Jekyll poking through the naïve Me, weakly trying to combat Hyde.  There’s this nagging suspicion that the…you know, He isn’t a beautiful, mysterious creature.  I know he’s dangerous, I just…it’s hard for me to bring myself to loathe him.  Hyde’s too dominant, even when I take off the mask.  I rarely take off the mask now anyway, just because it’s the only identity I have now.  It’s the only identity that He will accept.  It’s just a survival thing.

It’s…horrible.  I’m a pacifist.  And yet, I have to go out there and…well, I haven’t personally killed anyone yet, but I’ve led attacks with the intent to kill.  All to maintain His favor.  To survive just a bit longer.  But now…well, now I’ve got a plan.  I’m already evil.  A horrible monster.  I’m beyond redemption.  So I guess there’s no point turning back.  But I can focus it.  I can save souls more innocent than mine.

There are more people beyond redemption.  People like me.  Arkady is the one that comes to mind most clearly.  Zero as well.  A lot of these other proxies, though I can’t afford to be, to use a phrase, a “team-killing fucktard” at the moment.  Because that’s what I’m going to be doing: killing those who are beyond help.  The good of the many outweighs the good of the few, right?  I’ll be a murderer, and people will die by my hand, but they’re people the world will be better without.  It’s…it’s not pleasant no matter how you spin it, but it’s the best alternative.

I guess this is goodbye.  I’m sorry to those of you whose blogs I never got around to—especially those of you who commented.  I feel bad, talking to you even though I never knew you.  It’s time for my final words to some of you, along with (as a return to form) a bit of advice:

Jean: thank you for your words during my breakdown.  I see what you were trying to say, even if you went about it the wrong way.  I appreciate your attempts.

Andrew and Ben: Stay safe.  Andrew, you’ve got valuable information, plus you know not to throw morality out the window like some of these people do.  Ben, I’m sorry you got caught up in this, and I’m not attempting to diminish your role at all by telling you that you have to stay alive to keep Andrew sane.

Slice: I’m sorry I haven’t been able to check in with you lately, so I don’t know what your current status is.  I’ll just say that I get the feeling that Plasterface is trustworthy.  At least listen to him.

Robert: I’m sorry about the whole lack-of-faith-in-you thing.  I still think you would have made a great martyr.  I also think you’re insane now.  But I used to have an huge amount of respect for you.  You’re a good man.

Tony: I like you.  Just try to keep that sociopath personality reigned in.  Just keep the Golden Rule in mind: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I’d hate to have to go after you, and I’d hate it if Cynthia was right about her “Daddy” being a better father than you.  Just make sure we can trust you enough to take your advice, because if M doesn’t come back, you’re probably the most experienced and smartest guy we have.

Cynthia: I’m sorry I never got to meet you.  It would have been nice to at least talk.

Redlight: You’re funny.  You’re also a prick.  I’d probably like you if I didn’t hate you.  I honestly don’t know how I would have reacted had I met you.

Ava and Reach: Don’t be stupid.  You’ve got problems, yeah.  But you were considering starting a family earlier (if only just considering).  Well, now you’ve got an excuse.  I know you’re both just still kids, but grow up and learn to become adults and take responsibility.

Arkady: I’m on my way.  With any luck, the world will be rid of you soon.

Zero: You’re pursuing false ideas and murdering in the name of a misguided scheme.  I’m sorry.  I respected you.  But now you’re too far gone.

Maduin: You’ve got the balls to do what I couldn’t.  But please be careful.  Know your limits.

Aimee: I don’t know too much about you as you don’t have a blog of your own, but I know that you trusted me.  Thank you.

Ali: I’m sorry for everything you’re going through, and I hope your situation turns out well.  I’m sorry you seem so isolated.  I wish I could have helped more.  Hopefully, other people will. [Note: at his request, I’m linking the blog: Time out of Mind. -TM-]

Hoso: Self-esteem, girl.  Have some.  You’ve earned it.

Zeke: If you’re reading this, stay strong.  It’s a tough burden having everyone look up to you, which is why you have to at least appear strong for us.  Stay safe, stay smart, stay sane, and stay strong.

M:  M…if you’re reading this…good luck.  I respected you so much.  I still do.  I hope you can make it through this.  I mentioned in a comment earlier that you were like Schrodinger's Cat; we could never tell if you were alive or dead until you posted.  Well, I’m changing my stance.  M, you are, and will always remain, alive until proven dead.  Stay alive, you crazy, badass man.

Everyone defending the sort I’ll be attacking: The Slender Man isn’t the only evil in the world.  An enemy of an enemy is not always your friend.  Keep that in mind.  It’ll help you live longer.

Everyone Else and Those I’ve Missed: I’m sorry I’ve failed you all.  I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger.  Take the advice I’ve given that you think is good.  Ignore the advice you think is terrible.  And please, stay safe.


A real shame he’s dead.  Like I said, I liked Hyde.  But, eh, not like it really matters anymore.  Serves me right for getting attached to him.  Can’t really get attached to anyone in this business.  Don’t know who’s going to die next.

Well, I’m done here.  Don’t be mad at me, I’m just doing my job.  This blog’s over, people.  Nothing to see.  Move along.

-Don’t Kill The Messenger-


  1. Just because you don't KILL the messenger doesn't mean you can't shoot him in some very uncomfortable places.

  2. WHAT?

    He's dead?

    I was looking forward to killing him, and he's dead?
    I spent two hours waiting by Town Lake for him to show up! I thought he'd just chickened out!

  3. Oh, Andrew, just thought this was worth mentioning: the guy really respected you and really wished the two of you had the chance to work together. He kind of made me wish that I had met you, too. I think we'd have a lot to talk about.

    Oh, and I said, I'm just delivering the message. I work for The Boss, yeah, but I've personally got no problem with you guys. We just happen to be on opposite sides of a battle. Please don't hate me just because I'm the enemy. I mean, I'm not even fighting you guys.

    And I think I'll change the font now. Never been a fan of Times New Roman. Reminds me of school papers. I like courier much better. Reminds me of typewriters.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  4. Nor I against you, my...but I cannot call you friend quite yet. I was only making an observation.

  5. Shame. IdidnotlikeHyde,buthewasamanwho trIed todohisbest. I reSPected him.

  6. Oh no, no, not any more deaths...

  7. Analysis: upload commencing. Upload complete. Analysis:

    Subject: Jekyll/Hyde. Status: Semi-stable. Abilities: Moderate. Emotional status: Strong. Threat level: High. Intelligence level: High. Potential: High. Danger: High.

    Analysis: upload commencing. Upload complete. Analysis:

    Subject: The Messenger. Status: Semi-stable. Abilities: Moderate. Emotional status: Low. Threat level: Low. Intelligence level: Moderate. Potential: Moderate. Danger: High.

  8. I have three choices to rate this: Lie | Truth | Fucking Batshit Crazy Enough To Make A Very Fucking Detailed Fucking Insane FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! Story